I Did Not Notice...

We had a class party last night and I thought it was going to be an ordinary (albeit much anticipated) get-together. I like how I was able to spend quality time with a lot of them -- I even managed to sneak a few heart-to-hearts with some of them.

As I was about to leave though, they presented me with gifts! Cake, letters, and a huge-ass jar of Skittles (my favorite!). One of them even gave me a fan that he made himself. They are so loving, I can't believe anything to the contrary could be used to describe them. I've been having a difficult month, but they've been a constant source of joy. Oh my, how I shall miss them.

I showed them this video on the last day of school, because I told them I'd be waiting for them to call for me, because I would only be a call away, because the end of the year doesn't mean I'd end being their mother. The video takes on another meaning now, but I shall keep that to myself at this point. They've given me enough love to buffer me for the days to come...as they shall become even more challenging.




They kept thanking me for being their mother, for taking care of them. They apologized for not showing me enough how much they love me. Silly things. They have no idea how happy they have made me throughout the year, how comforting they were to me...how so much of the difficulty of the past few weeks has been because I haven't been able to see them. Because of them, I did not notice the zombies, the nuclear apocalypse, and all the other doom-makers. Now, it seems as though that's all I see. Lucia, poor thing, has been working overtime, being my sole source of comfort now.

I do love my boys, the children of my heart.

But it's time to let them go and let them forge their own ways. I just wish they don't fall prey to the zombies. Or those zombies shall hear from me.

Sing It, Baby

Tired of trying to verbalize everything e. Singing it all away na lang.







 
And this is why This is why Why we fight Come hell Bride of quiet Bride of all unquiet things Bride of quiet Bride of hell
    I never saw the point in trying Cause I would only let you down And I just couldn't take you down there with me I just can't stand to see you drown  I never saw the point in crying Cause I can't be the way you want And I don't want lay around here waiting Waiting for you to change your mind
   
Well I reached in the cupboard for something to feed you and I hoped that these words were enough to keep you but the moon is so high and the stars are so bright you could be the one that I needed 
 When the sun came you hit the trail like an old cowboy bent for the wild road and so I carved your name into all the tree legs and we waited for you until dark came 
 I once knew a man who told a tale as tall as the mountains that he came from and he said there's a place where all the folks wait when death strips their faces of color Are you there?
   
 Pearl:  I walk down the road and I’m alone again, but I will sing a song as I go I walk down the road and I’m alone again, butYou will be the voice in my throat 
 Beard: All these years I’ve travelled down the lonely pathway Singing something you’ll never know All these years I’ve travelled down the lonely pathway You have been the voice in my throat
   
 And in the future Our love will surely fade away Or so they tell me  But we know better don't we So I keep singing my song Won't you sing along? 
 So tell me truth don’t tell me lies I’ve seen the truth inside your eyes Life is so short, everyone dies So live a beautiful lie
   
And when it all comes crashing down,  what can you do, to find what you're looking for?  And then the words will come to you, driving through the rain. 
 But there'll be no one there to say them to anyway.

Galloping That Heralds Unicorns; Not Horses, Not Zebras

Quick. Somebody tell the Unicorn that he finally exists. I've managed to find enough free time to write this post. Anything's possible now.

And so the school year has mostly come to an end. We still need to evaluate the program -- prune and rearrange topics here and there. But that's all work for the coming school year. The work for this school year is all done. I am all shades of sad and lonely and nostalgic and relieved.

The thing about being a teacher is the inevitable goodbyes. The kids are with us for just a year and, like it or not, they will move on. Kids being kids, they're usually resilient enough to move on fairly quickly. It'll take a while for me to completely let go though. Just a few days ago, as we were moving in to our (finally) newly renovated offices, I was segregating my stuff, determining what to throw away, what to keep. I stumbled upon a class list, somehow unscathed, and I almost wept. Ugh, I'm such a dork.

I am also lonely because for the most part of the day, my kids were my source of comfort. I am not doing well (understatement and deliberately vague, I'm afraid), and with them gone, I am forced to...think.

Funny how nostalgic I feel now. All one has to do is to go back to my previous posts to see how challenging this school year was, how ready I was to throw in the towel. But nostalgia has given me fantastically rose-colored glasses. All I remember is how fun it was. Well, that's not true, I will also always look back to this year as having been the most personally exhausting year ever, but I shall miss it.

Which is why I'm relieved, I suppose. Not that it's over, but that I can have another year to make bawi. Because just as much as goodbyes and endings are inevitable, so are hellos and new beginnings.

Yeah, after all the huffing and puffing, the house was blown down. I just wasn't expecting the house to be what it is. So yeah, I'll be coming back.

Ugh. And now to more important matters.

(Please, Unicorn, take me and my daughter away from all this.)

‎"The Greek word for 'return' is nostos. Algos means 'suffering.' So nostalgia is the suffering caused by an unappeased yearning to return." (From Ignorance by Milan Kundera.)