Closing

A few weeks ago, my new shrink stopped in the middle of history taking and asked me to answer a questionnaire of sorts. As the session closed, she prescribed some anti-anxiety meds to take when I "feel like I needed it". I said I was fine, that I didn't really need it, but she insisted; the score I got in the questionnaire made her reiterate her recommendation. (I don't know what score I got, but she looked concerned.)

As I took it tonight, Lucia asked, "Mommy, are you taking your medicine again?"

"Yes," I said.

"Okay. I'll tell Manang I'll take a shower now so we can be on the bed before your eyes go closing again." (She can tell when my meds finally kick in because I turn really groggy and I am literally unable to keep my eyes open.)

Am I making her grow up too fast? Does she feel like she has no choice but to take care of me?

Emotional self-flagellation is exhausting.

And so I wait for my wee one and hope that she falls asleep before I do, so she won't hear me cry again.