So I'm on day 2 of this new batch of meds and I feel incredibly...hollow. The same thoughts are there, but I am more or less devoid of any feeling towards them. At least right now. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep.
But the same thoughts float around my mind, like little planets, orbiting the same source of energy, spinning round and round and round.
I vacillate between wanting to feel something and wanting to feel nothing. I can't wait to go back home and start my actual talk therapy because all these meds can't really quell the battle that's going on in my mind. My doctor said it's because I'm not doing anything. But there's little else to do. I feel like I'm in some sort of waiting area, some in between place, like the Wood Between the Worlds in Magician's Nephew. Exactly like that, actually. My thoughts are quiet, but persistent, in slow motion, but moving.
More than this, I cannot say anymore. Shouldn't say more. But my thoughts are orbiting the same thing over and over and over.
I'm waiting on my crimson hot air balloon to come, but it isn't coming anymore. At least, that's what they would like me to think. "They" being All the Rest. Be that as it may, I shall be waiting, and perhaps expecting to be disappointed.
Cryptic, I know. But my mind works that way these days. Cryptograms, nothing specific, everything vague, all things fuzzy.
It's only been a few months, Katinka. Cut yourself some slack.
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