Actually...

...I'm okay. No, really, I am okay. I dunno if it's the fact that I'm around my family this time or the new batch of meds or the new doctor, but I'm actually okay.

Sure, things are a little messy right now and I'm about to go through some major life changes, but I'm actually quite okay. I mean, considering...everything.

I've been assessing myself, trying to figure out if I'm in denial mode or in self-preservation mode; this...okay-ness...is pretty bizarre (even for me), but I am at peace. I feel more like myself more often. 

My only worry is Lucia, of course. I want to protect her from the ugliness that might follow. For now, the only way I know how to do that is to ensconce her in love. So far, so good. We've had lots of moments like this one.

Wait for it though. I'm sure I won't remain this positive (not being negative, just realistic). I'm not going to Pollyana my way through this, I'm fully aware of the challenges up ahead. But on this bright, sunny, diamond of a day, I'd like to go on record and say: I'm actually okay.