Rainbow

A little over three years ago, I started to feel pain—the likes of which I had never experienced before. Many have attempted to describe the pain, but nothing really prepared me for it. It was as sharp as it was numb. As concentrated as it was all over the place.

Your Daddy was sleeping soundly beside me so I didn't want to wake him up until it was absolutely necessary. Loolah was in the room next door, she had flown in just in time for this, thankfully. Both of them being nearby calmed me down enough to be able to do my breathing exercises quietly, all through the night.

As I saw the sun rising, I woke your Daddy up. I told him it was time.

The whole day that day, I had different doctors and nurses come in to check on me. They had to look at my chart each time, and whenever someone would realize that it was my birthday, they'd greet me and tell me how sorry they were I was going through labor on my birthday.

A day and a half later, when all was done, I remember your Daddy asking me as soon as I woke up, what I wanted for my birthday. I said your name, out loud, for the first time referring to you in the flesh, no longer as this tiny thing inside of me. God knew the deepest desire of my heart. I had wanted you for so, so, so long. You were the only gift I wanted on my birthday.

It's been that way ever since, you know.

Feeling you get ready to come into the world on my birthday—and then finally holding you the next day—has been the most wondrous birthday gift, ever. You have been nothing but a blessing to me since the day you arrived.

You gave me the gift of strength. I never knew I could do so many things till you arrived.

You gave me the gift of patience. Not because I had to be patient with you, my darling. No, that's the easy part. I learned to be patient with myself, to allow myself to make mistakes and to forgive myself.

You gave me the gift of life. My beautiful angel, had you not walked in when you did, all would've been lost. You made me want to keep living.

You gave me the gift of love. Just when I think I can love you no more than this, you prove me wrong. There is so much more about you to love than I can ever hope to discover.

And now, on your third birthday, you've given me all these all over again, and more. You remind me and your daddy of what is truly important. You remind us why we need to keep on trying, why we need to keep on loving—and how, perhaps, we never really did stop trying and loving. We almost did, but you, the culmination of everything that is important and good and everlasting about us...you. You. You. You.

There is much more to be learned. We need more strength, more patience, in the weeks, months, and years to come. But you are our life, and you are our dearest, dearest, dearest love.

You are my rainbow, God's promise that he will be good to me. And how good he has been to me through your little face, your wrinkled nose, your mischievous eyes, your perfect smile.

Mommy and Daddy love you so much, Lucia. Happy birthday. :)

p.s. So sorry this was late, punkle. We were much to busy having actual fun on your birthday. :)