So obviously, I’ve been back at work. As a result, I haven’t been able to update much. Thankfully, since the time I went back to work, we’ve had help at home. The sister of our nanny came in the week before he did and helped us out. She was wonderful and though she only spent a few days with us, I miss her already.
Late Friday afternoon, we picked up our actual nanny from the airport. I personally have high expectations since his sister was a dream. He was pretty shy and reserved at first. This is his first time away from home, so I can imagine how daunting the city was to him. He only had a few minutes to actually catch his breath though since we went straight to Bataan. Our best friends from Grand Rapids had flown in for a visit, and they were based there this weekend. So off we went on another adventure.
Our “manny” – since he’s a male nanny – was very friendly and very willing to help out. It was refreshing to have help and to actually be able to sit down and enjoy a meal with both hands, something I haven’t been able to do with Lucia in so long. The weekend was precious since we got to spend time with our friends and their children. Watching our kids interact with each other was really my favorite part.
The weekend could have been perfect except for one little hiccup. Well, it was more like a stenchy, truck driver-esque belch.
Early Saturday morning, “Manny” brought Lucia outside to the garden so that she could bask in the morning sun and I could eat breakfast. As I was preparing my coffee, someone approached me and chastised me for having a manny. Well, to be specific: she was angry at me not because he was male but because he was gay. It took me a good two seconds to realize that she wasn’t joking, that she was actually, rudely, letting me know I was a fool and a bad mother to have him near my child. As soon as I was able to find my breath, I calmly (as best as I could) told her that the fact that he was gay had no bearing in our decision to hire him and that it didn’t matter to me nor my husband.
Here’s a short snippet of what had happened (although the entire conversation couldn’t have lasted more than ten seconds). The exchange happened in Filipino and I shall provide a translation, but that’ll take away from the passive aggressive venom of the short exchange:
Person:
Bakit mo naman hinahayaang ganun ang mag-alaga ng anak mo? (Why are you letting someone like that take care of your child?)
Me:
Hindi naman po kasi issue sa amin yun. (It’s not an issue with us.)
Person:
Dito kasi hindi pwede yun. Dapat hindi rin pwede sa inyo. (Here, that sort of thing should not be so. It shouldn’t be with you either.)
Me:
Iba lang siguro kami. (I guess we’re just different.)
Person:
Oo, iba. At mali. (Yes, you’re different. And wrong.)
The conversation ended there not because I wanted to remain respectful. I was just too flabbergasted at the brazenness of her bigotry. I had never before met her in my life and I was a guest. I’m trying to recall what had happened, and I’m still emotionally paralyzed because there are too many emotions battling for first place. I don’t know whether I should be angry, sad, or disgusted more.
When I told people that we finally found a yaya and that he happened to be gay, I got different reactions. Some people offered congratulations at finally having found one. Some found it providential (for many reasons). My parents thought it would be good for Lucia so that she’d grow up knowing and appreciating the different kinds of people in the world. But I also had my fair share of negative reactions.
Initially, I thought the reaction I got from, er,
her was bad. (
She said that it would be bad for Lucia to grow up with a gay person because, among many other caveats, he might molest her. I’m not even going to discuss how ridiculous and awful that was, but then, that’s who
she is). On some level though, what happened last weekend was worse. I mean,
she has always been like that anyway, so I wasn’t really surprised. But this stranger was exactly that. A stranger! I mean, I knew I’d be confronted with all sorts of questions once people find out about our gay yaya, but I didn’t realize I’d be thrust into the face of bigotry that soon. And that harshly.
And you know what? “Manny” is actually really good! I had the chance to spend the whole day with him today, and he’s very hard working and Lucia likes him! So there!
I didn’t realize that my taking on a manny will have an activist undertone, but it seems as though it will. But I’m glad I have a gay yaya, if only to show the world that such an attempt at homogeneity will make us all better individuals.
Bah. At least I won’t ever have to see strangers like that anymore. The
other person, I will have to deal with for the rest of my life though. But frankly, and sadly, in the list of horrible things I have to deal with in co-existing with
her, this isn’t the worst. But I must stock up on emotional, intestinal, and – I don’t have them but just for good measure – testicular fortitude even more now.
S I G H
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