I haven't written anything in ages. Mostly because I haven't been able to write properly since Nana died. Writing means I need to listen to the voices inside, and I didn't really want to listen to all the crying I wasn't doing out loud.
I've been away from my daughter for two weeks for work. But tonight I travel back (by bus).
And so I'm a whole mess of emotions.
Also. Tomorrow will be my 4th Second Birthday.
All these feelings, my goodness.
But you know what? I've been good. I've actually been really good. I haven't been depressed since switching meds. (Oh, wait, I haven't told you all about that yet. For some other time, then.) Just busy. Functioning. Going on and on.
I miss Nana. So, so, so much. I miss her random messages. Our political discussions. Her stories. Her laughter. I miss Lucia. Her nose. Her nape. Her smile. I miss everything. I feel so far away at this moment.
But I want to take a moment to celebrate my Second Birthday right now. Because I owe it to myself to celebrate it every year. And so I will.
Four years. My goodness. I don't even remember whole chunks of events anymore. Four years.
And because tomorrow, when I arrive home, I won't have time to write about it. Because I will be happy, happy, happy to be back with my Lucia. And I still won't know how to write. Because feelings. So much of it.
Okay.
Moment over. Back to whatever it was I was doing.
