Seriously?

Yep, seriously. Still pregnant.

Ten months and three days pregnant to be exact. I've been impatient, bored, and now flat out anxious-slash-panicky.

Was that a contraction or a kick? Why isn't she kicking as much? Have I taken enough fluids for the day? If I eat this piece of bread will make my baby become too fat for a normal delivery? Was that water leqking or just more of my usual discharge (gross alert)? Should I walk some more? Why do I feel so tired? Why can't I sleep properly at night, but sleep fine during the day -- does this mean my baby will be nocturnal? Why don't I have that nesting instinct thing going on? Is it because I don't live in our own home? Is that why Luci won't come out? Can she feel that?

And why the hell is she so bleepin' nega all the time?

...And that's just the first, oooh, 3.75 minutes of the day. You wouldn't want to know what goes on inside my head during the rest of the day.

Chaddy's a bit frantic as well (in fact, he just called to tell me to eat something and see if she'll kick). He hasn't been able to sleep properly in ages (there's always so much to do!) and I seriously worry about him. Hopefully, things'll ease up when my Mom arrives (in a few hours!). I'm hoping she can calm me down and offset any bad vibes, if you know what I mean.

I've been given advice as to how to speed all this up -- from the mundane (walk, walk, walk) to the bizarre (visualize; pretend you're the baby and visualize your own birth). With the amount of free time I have, I haven't encountered any advice that I had not previously read about or discussed with my doctor though.

Ah, but there is one advice that is quiet and persistent...and the one that I hate the most: Be patient for I am in control.

(((sigh)))

Hay. Si God talaga o...

I just...I just hope everything's okay in there.

I hope my next entry will be on the flipside of this whole journey. Can't wait to complain about engorged breasts and stuff. :p

What is this EQ that they speak of?

Ugh.

Still pregnant. Still waiting. Still, still, still.

There have been developments though. I've dilated a bit, and the doctor was able to touch Luci's head through the cervix already. I've also already lost my mucus plug and the contractions have been ubiquitous. Alas, the ever-important big contractions have not arrived. I'm sure when they do arrive I'll be wishing that they weren't here, but right now, I'm just hoping that they come. SOON.

Sure, it's because Luci's weight is perfect for a normal delivery and I don't want to go through CS. Sure, it's because I don't want to have to be induced.

But more than anything, and I realize this will be a big DUH coming from me, I'm so frakkin' impatient already. Sigh.

So, yeah. Still waiting.

Heeere, Luci, LUCI, L U C I ! ! !

Music Therapy!

Still waiting! Meanwhile, I've been watching these videos over and over and over again.

Here's a cute one of a young boy conducting the 4th movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony. This child is AMAZING.




And this one will just knock your socks off. This is one of my favorite arias ever, not just because it's genius (extending, of course, to Mozart and whoever else could pull this off) but also because my Mom used to sing this and so it reminds me of her. :) Here's the fantastic Diana Damrau (I am now a fan for life).




Here's the version where she's wearing full on make up on stage. (I want that costume!!!) In one run, she played the Queen AND Pamina! Seriously, OMG.




GRABE!!! Enjoy, everyone. :D

Nooneenooneenoo...

...I must've said that (or typed and thought, since I haven't really talked to a lot of people today) ten million times today. I didn't go to work today since, upon waking up, I found out that I had been bleeding the whole night. Nothing major, but nothing minor either. So I've been under observation the whole day. The bleeding hasn't ceased, and now I'm beginning to feel definite discomfort in my lower back. Hmmm.

We're still here at the house though. The doctor actually told me to go to the hospital just to have her residents check me, just to be sure. But until I get definite labor contractions, I'm staying put. I'd much rather wait it out over here than there.

I can't describe how I'm feeling. I'm a little ambivalent about it (my powers of denial are AH-MAY-ZING) since I know I'm not quite 40 weeks yet, but at 37 weeks and 3 days, I'm just about ready anyway. Ah, my child has low EQ, too.

Anyhoo, stay tuned. I don't know if this is rock and roll or Kenny G pa lang. We'll know tomorrow since I'll be seeing my doctor then. Till then, peace out.

Just to Love

I wrote this article for the official magazine of the school where I teach. (And now where I used to teach. - K, 2013) They released a special edition that discussed homosexuality. 

Please take note, though, that the article was written for an audience of (mostly) Christians, hence the use of "our" in the sense that most of those who originally read it were Christians (Catholic, to be specific). If, however, you happen to chance upon this entry and are not a Christian, I would just like to say, for the record, that love is in no way the monopoly of Christians. 

In fact, sometimes I think that non-Christians are even more accepting of those who are different than the majority.

..o..

A few years ago, during the heyday of Multiply, I happened to chance upon a blog entry entitled (get ready) “Homosexuals Will Go to Hell.” The writer, let’s call her Ann, gave a series of Bible verses that she believed supported her claim. The reactions to that blog entry were interesting, to say the least. It spanned the whole spectrum of human emotions: from bilious disgust to exuberant agreement (“cyber hi-five!”). I added my own thoughts to the roster, but this comment was, by far, my favorite. I paraphrase: “Siyempre naman may mga bakla sa heaven, ‘no! Kung wala, e ‘di sino gagawa ng mga ‘Welcome to Heaven’ signs? Complete pa yun with balloons and confetti!” Oh, the hilarity that ensued.

I mention this because Ann is like many others, and she represents a steady and growing voice in our society today. Her thoughts echo popular thought and what is generally believed to be what is, well, “good.” We all know someone like Ann. We could be someone like Ann.

She has since put the blog entry down (or restricted access to it), but I do remember some of the Bible verses that she used. It was easy to remember, because I’ve seen these same verses used countless times to bolster the arguments regarding homosexuality:

1. Genesis 1:22 – Men and women are told to “go forth and multiply”, stressing on the ability of man and woman to come together to procreate.
2. Genesis 19 – The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah was brought about by the various sins of both towns, not least of which was homosexuality.
3. Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 – It is abominable for man to “lie with another man” if done in the same way as he would with a woman.

I’ve seen several other passages used in the past, but they all basically point to the same conclusion: Homosexuality is a sin and must be condemned. The act itself is an abnormality that should be shunned at all costs.

Now I don’t claim to be an exegete; I am definitely no Bible expert. What I am and have been all my life is a sinful Christian. But I do know this much: verses taken out of context are not only erroneous but dangerous, for they allow us to distort God’s call for us to love. If we look at the verses above on a solely literal level, it would also be safe to assume, then, either of the following:

1. Men and women, joined even by the holiest of matrimonies, who are incapable of biologically “multiplying”, are falling short of God’s will. 
2. Manila, along with perhaps every single city in the world, is doomed for destruction any moment now, what with all the homosexuals in our midst.
3. While it is an abomination for man to lie with another man…woman can lie with another woman. Or man. Or anything.

These hypothetical arguments I raised are ludicrous and illogical, of course. Most of us know that biologically barren couples are still loved and blessed by God. The weather forecast promises rain, thunder, lightning, and the ever-present humidity; but no, fire and brimstone are not in the offing. And, well, I’ll just let you think about that third point on your own.

My personal advocacy for Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Rights has been steadily growing for years and people ask me several questions about it. The most important question they usually ask is why I’m so passionate about LGBT rights even though I’m straight. First of all, let’s think about what LGBT Rights are. Is the advocacy limited to their right to civil privileges? Their right to express themselves in the manner they choose? The right to be heard in an intelligent forum? The right to be adequately represented by the law?

I think more than all of these, the first attempt to forward LGBT Rights must be to remove the divide that separates them from what they intrinsically are: human rights. If we think of LGBT Rights in those terms, does it then become easier to comprehend why I push the agenda so much? It’s easy to understand why a person deserves a privilege, but isn’t it more difficult to think about limiting a privilege from a person? Why does that necessarily have to change with homosexuals? And let’s look at the second part of that question: "even though I’m straight." Should the desire for equality for a maligned group be limited to individuals of the said group? Did not Jesus die for Jews and Gentiles alike?

But let’s remove ourselves from all the rhetorical questions and the realm of theory. At the end of the day, it really is about this: everyone—every single human being—deserves the right to be heard, understood, represented…Everyone deserves the right to live in the manner they choose for as long as it doesn’t harm another. Being different is difficult enough what with the threat of judgment—but condemnation? That is a whole different story.

Really, there is no disconnect separating my being a teacher and my being a Christian and my being an LGBT advocate. As a teacher, I equip my students with the skills for them to think on their own and make their own conclusions—not to tell them what to think and what to conclude necessarily. So, as with anything, I can only hope that instead of condemning homosexuals to hell for being different (for lack of a better term), I hope my students know how to approach homosexuals and homosexuality with the kind of unequivocal love that Jesus approached the sinners. For all of us—straight, gay, and everything in between—are sinners all.

Which brings me to my final point: the very foundation of my Christianity is the deeply held belief that I am saved despite my failures and shortcomings. I am a living, blessed proof of Jesus’ mercy and love. I am a sinner and I am a testament of God’s forgiveness despite my abominable unworthiness. That I would even begin to think that I am worthy of condemning others to hell—either in the afterlife by hiding behind out-of-context Bible verses, or in this life by needless name calling, exclusion, and disgust—would be grossly hypocritical.

God gave us ten commandments that Jesus lovingly boiled down to two fundamental missives: to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul and mind; and to love others. He then goes on to say, “All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40). Then, full stop. No postscripts regarding with whom that love was confined. No by-the-ways about what is abnormal. No just-to-be-clears on how less love we should give to people with specific sexualities or genders. None of that. Just to love.

Just to love.

Image from here.

I end with tears in my eyes because there are times when I feel worn out. I open myself up to so much misinterpretation because of this advocacy all the time and it is difficult not to get angry. But I am reminded that this is not a plea made out of anger, but a plea made out of love. I think of students, friends, family, and life-long kindred spirits who just happen to be gay. I think of what they have to go through every single day: self-doubt, self-hate, self-judgment, and self-condemnation.

To them I say this: the Self that you know is but a shadow of the Self that the Lord created, sees, and will love for all eternity. And inasmuch as it is difficult for others to see that, do see these people who—like you—just need to be loved. If they can’t make the first step by asking for forgiveness, make the first move to forgive. For really, it must start somewhere. If it’s not from them, then let it be from you. Remember that we were made not to hate but to love.

Just to love.

References:
“The Bible and Homosexuality.” ReligiousTolerance.org. Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance, 2004. Web. 15 Aug. 2010.
The Bible, New International Version. Colorado Springs, CO: International Bible Society, 1983. Print.

Getting Mad at Oprah...Again

So I read this article on a teacher who wrote a rather angry letter to Oprah. It was in response to an episode that aired fairly recently, I suppose. I must confess, I don't really watch Oprah anymore – I don't really like her. (Yeah, there, I said it: I don't like Oprah. Yeah, I said again. Whaddayagonnadoaboutit???)


Anyway, it's easy to sort of get an idea of what the episode was about from the letter itself:

Racing Towards the Finish Line

So busy. Too busy. Must do so many things. Bah.

Maternity leave in a few weeks though. Yay.

In the meantime...

Image taken from here.

15 Films

Oh, dear. I hate that I'm limited to just 15 films!

Since the instructions say that I should limit myself to films that will "stick" with me, I picked the movies mostly for emotional reasons.

Interestingly enough, I didn't pick any "art films", as my husband calls them (i.e. films that make him either sleep, roll his eyes, or say, "This is depressing!"). There are a few indie films, but he also enjoyed those, so they aren't quite as "artsy" as say, Clockwork Orange. Haha!

8 Months...The Final Frontier ("...these are the voyagers of the Starship Enterprise...")

Sorry, it's just when I hear "the final frontier", I instantly hear Jean-Luc Picard's voice completing the rest of the opening spiel for Star Trek: The Next Generation. (Trekkie Alert!)

So yeah. Eight months. Big woop. :)

I downplay, but truly, I am scaredexcitedanxiousimpatientterrified. Our recent check up revealed that I lost 5 pounds though (what the...?) and Luci lost some weight as well. I've been going through a lot of stress at work lately (mostly because of one particular section...guuuh) which might account for that. So OPLAN Patabain Si Luci is in full gear yet again.

Meanwhile, here's the latest in the series. I look like I know something really bad about you and I'm just dying to let it all out. Haha! ;)

I am extremely tired all the time though. I really can't wait for that maternity leave to kick in. Only a few more weeks. Sigh. 

IlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjob.

Meanwhile, here's a little something to get all of us going this morning. It's been running through my head since, well, last week. Haha. :)

Have a colorful day, everyone!

Step Away from the Belly (and Other Warnings)

In the great tradition of Filipino tactlessness masquerading as familiarity (when really, it's a false sense — or at least a warped notion — of community), I bring you: What Not to Do or Say to Pregnant Women, Katz Edition (meaning, what not to say to this pregnant woman).

Happy and Pink! :D

My friend showed me this video because, well, everybody knows I love pink. ;)

Besides, how can I not share this video in this blog?!? This makes me all shades of happy and pink. :D