Prom Shprom (Top Ten Tips)

Okay, so I had my prom in the mid-90s. I wore black to my prom (good God, what was I thinking?) and felt awkward in heels. I was much more comfortable in my baggy jeans and combat boots (good God). I suppose I had fun in my prom and the other proms I attended (although why and how anyone else asked me is still a shocker to me), but all I can remember is the awkwardness, really.

Now that I've been a teacher for the juniors for quite some time, I've always had to deal with prom woes around this time of the year. I've dispensed tips over the years, and I don't know why I never really thought of writing all of them down in one go. I was thinking of writing a blog entry about it, and as fate would have it, one of my kids emailed me a few minutes ago, asking about that pep talk I gave them a few days ago.

Now I went through that nostalgic self flagellation earlier to assure you that I present you these tips not as an expert but as someone who wishes, very much, to be able to go back in time, wrench the silly little 16 year old that I was from her grungy hole , and do everything else over again.

Sigh. Okay. (Good Lord, I can't believe I wore black. :p)

Here we go, my top ten tips (and you know it's great because there are ten of them...and it's alliterative):

1. Make sure you reserve a corsage a week (or more) before the day of the prom itself. Proms usually happen around the same time, and flower shops might be inundated with orders by the time you send in yours. Boys are usually preoccupied with choosing a color that would match her dress, but this is only secondary in importance to...
2. NOT getting a pin-corsage (or whatever the hell you call it). Get the kind that wraps around the wrist in a bow. A bow ha, not alambre. The pin corsage will get you in all sorts of trouble come, er, pinning time. You'll end up being really anxious about where to place your hands as you pin it (can you imagine doing it while her parents are around...with camera???) -- as you should be. You might end up having her pin it on to herself, but it really is the most unflattering angle for her (remember, her parents are there with the camera). She'll look weird trying to pin the corsage on herself (bending down that way will give her double chins -- remember, the camera!) and she might ruin her dress. The alambre corsage, on the other hand, is just plain weird...and painful if left with the wrong hands. Meaning, yours. Don't get orchids because they look funeral-esque. Stick to roses or carnations or mums. I personally like those small white flowers that come as "fillers" in a bouquet. They're simple, pretty, and not overpowering.
3. You and your bros will probably take all of 1 hour (I'm just guessing here) to prepare what with the gross jokes and the body odor dispelling (again, just guessing here, but do attend to the body odor please). Your dates? Not so much. Still, arrive at her house (or meeting place) at least 5 minutes before time. You can ring the doorbell en punto, but anticipate that you'll have to wait for her. If you absolutely cannot help being late, text/call her, but know that it would be frightful tacky of you to be late. Since you anticipate that you'll be early, do practice your small talk. This will probably be the time for the parents to get to know you a bit more...
4. So, brush up on your current events. There's a pretty important trial going on right now, you might want to read up on that. No, do not talk about the latest (stupid) meme on 9gag as some parents may not know what you mean by 9gag (nor will they appreciate that you frequent a Web site that has the word "gag" in it). Do not talk about showbiz chismis (unless the parents start with it, in which case, ayos). Get ready to talk about your favorite book (oh, please be a reader, if only for the season) and your family (parents provinces, brothers, sisters, where you live, etc). The parents would like to know that you come from good people.
5. When you see your date, COMPLIMENT HER. I mean out loud. Do not, however, be lewd. Be classy with your compliments. Tell her she looks nice, you like her hair that way, that's a pretty color on her, etc. No one's asking you to be Tim Gunn, you don't have to go into the nitty gritties of her look ("That chignon really does elongate your neck in the most delightful of ways!"), but do take notice of all her hard work. Be sincere though, so if you can't genuinely appreciate her hair, make up, dress, shoes, or bag (see, so many to choose from!), at least tell her she smells nice. :p DO NOT let your eyes linger where they shouldn't. Be a gentleman. You are made of finer stuff. Besides, her dad's an arm's length away, ready to correct your wandering eyes.
6. As you leave, thank her parents for letting her go with you. Then, tell them what time you'll be bringing her back, or ask them what time they want her back. Also, give your number (and your driver's number) so that they can contact you in case of any emergency (i.e. you've gone way past curfew). This not only makes the parents feel better about letting their precious princess go with you, it ensures that if all goes well and you'll want another date with her, the parents will be more kampante to let her go.
7. Unless you're already good friends, prepare more small talk topics for inside the car. Make sure you ask her questions...and let her answer. Keep asking until you get to the "me, too!" portion of the conversation. Don't worry, you'll get there. If you don't, make sure you have good music in the car. At least you can chairdance (or headbob at the very least) together. 
8. When you get to the venue, do not speak to anyone without introducing your date to him/her as well. It is rude to carry on a conversation with anyone else and leave her out of it. Most especially, introduce your dates to your moderators. (Ehem, 3A2012. We have already spoken about this.)
9. Now, when deciding where to sit (and I realize this should've come kanina pa), try to get a table so that your date will be comfortable, too. I know you'd like to sit with your friends, but this is your house, so to speak. You'll most likely be comfortable anywhere anyway. Try to get a table with classmates whose dates are either friends of your date or would most likely get along with her. Do not share the table with an ex-girlfriend-slash-MU-slash-best-friend-who-happens-to-be-a-girl. Girls are a complicated lot. Believe me. You wouldn't want this sort of drama to unfold on the night itself. 
10. You'd think my last tip would be to have fun? Be yourself? Enjoy, because you only live once? No, my dearest ones. My last and most important tip is this: BRING YOUR DATES BACK HOME ON TIME!!! Do not go over the curfew. If it's totally unavoidable, YOU call her parents and let them know. She might insist on doing it herself, but realize that a real gentleman would do it himself. No, a real gentleman would BRING HIS DATE BACK HOME ON TIME, but this is the next best thing.

And so there you have it. I probably forgot a whole bunch of other stuff, but these are the ones that are most pressing.

NOW, I shall say have fun and don't sweat the small stuff.

But really, do something about that body odor. ;)

#30ThingsAboutMe (Part 2)

17.  I am a lot more obssessive compulsive than I allow others to know. For me to walk away from a mess or dirt or an unruly collar means I deliberately chose to walk away -- with much effort. One of my coping mechanisms is to allow a little mess to continue existing within sight, as a testament of my little victory against my demons. I usually fiddle with my hair or wring my hands when I am willing myself to walk away from a mess.

18. I was a horrible bully.

19. My second favorite color is green -- yes, the La Salle kind of green.

20. Before I got pregnant, I loved eggplant. While I was pregnant, I couldn't stand it. Now that I've given birth, I'll only eat it if it's grilled.

21. I still breastfeed my daughter. She's 14 months old. I am a rockstar mom.

22. My daughter brings me a kind of joy that I never thought was possible.

23. I've always wanted to teach. I never actually envisioned myself as anything else.

24. I am friends with all my exes but one. I can honestly say that I wish nothing but the absolute best for them. Even that one.

25. Sometimes, when I say "home", I actually mean Grand Rapids. I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

26. If it were up to me, we wouldn't have anything to do with her. Ever. I have never met anyone as fundamentally, existentially, absolutely, and diametrically opposite of who I am than she.

27. Dora < Backyardigans < Sesame Street

28. I can watch Star Trek the Next Generation the whole day. No, really. I know this because I've done it. For two weeks straight. (Kindly refer to Part 1, number 6.)

27. I am glorious when I am angry. But I actually hate confrontation. If I can avoid it, I will. It's because I know how visceral and verbally violent I can get.

28. My writing is feels more organic when I'm angry -- and people often laugh when they read it. But when I am happy, my writing makes people cry. Weird.

29. I hate cats.



And as to why I started this bloody meme in the first bloody place...



30. I am currently questioning something I used to be fantastically sure about. I am no longer angry, but I am hurt. It is the hurt that is crippling me and I am hobbling my way through this week. That I still have teeth is amazing as I am grinding them down to pearly nubs, all in an effort to keep the rage, tears, and figurative vomit in. I have no idea how I shall last the week -- the year. The hatred; oh, the hate.

#30ThingsAboutMe (Part 1)

There is a trending meme/hashtag right now on Twitter and it seems like as good a way as any to take my mind off things. (Also, it used to be 25 things...and now it's 30 so...yeah. Hurray, narcissism.)

Here we go.

Thirty Things About Me:

1. I am very, very, very angry right now. So angry that I am rendered silent. So, in lieu of actually writing (easy) or thinking (difficult) about that, I shall do this instead.
2. I don't know how to ride a bike.
3. I write like I speak, but I don't speak like I write. Meaning, on paper, I don't sound as ditsy as I usually do. But I'm a lot smarter than I sound. Like, totally.
4. My default has always been humor. Sometimes though, it frustrates me when people think I'm making patawa when really, I'm just totally angry. (This is me not thinking about what's making me angry...)
5. I hate pancit. I love pansit malabon though, but I don't like the regular kind of pancit (the brown one).
6. Sometimes, I'm afraid I'm a lot nerdier than people think I am.
7. Sometimes, I'm afraid I'm not as nerdy as people think I am.
8. I am self conscious about everything about myself except for my writing...but I don't show my real stories to people because they're too personal. (Also, I turn invisible when nobody is looking. :p)
9. I believe aliens exist. 
10. There are some people in my life who could die and I would totally not be sad about it. I don't necessarily wish they would die, I just wouldn't be sad if they did.
11. I want a doughnut right now.
12. Sometimes...hay. Nope, too personal.
13. I always have a song in my head. Which plays congruently with whatever conversation I have going on with myself. 
14. I'm not impatient, everybody else is slow. Deal with it and move faster.
15. I'm really, really, really angry right now. Oh, wait, I said that already. Well, I am. And I can't NOT think about it, so I'm going to stop with this stupid list right now, because this form of escapism isn't working.

Damnit.

Half Full

This is me coughing as I sweep the cobwebs from this blog.

Goodness, it's been forever.

Needless to say, I've been busy. I'm actually merely forcing myself to write right now because I need to reaffirm that I am an actual sentient being, not a mere drone (who runs on alternating vats of coffee and alcohol).

Thankfully, my favorite topic is coming up, and I'm actually pretty excited to come to class...if only teaching was just about teaching. :p Ah, well. Glass is half full, glass is half full, glass is half full.

In other (great) news: My dad's here for a short while. His choir's on a South Asian tour and they made a quick stop here (natch). Here's a precious video of the men of my life playing with our precious little Duckster.

Tired but grateful. :) 

This Won't Be A Best of 2011 Entry...Nor An Entry About Resolutions

...but I will open by saying happy new year, everybody! :)

I am hindering myself from doing the retrospective bit precisely because 2011 was one tough year, and I, for one, am overjoyed that it’s over. So there. *deep cleansing breath*

I am also not going to talk about how the holidays were spent because I was half miserable most of the time (no points for guessing why, it’s too easy). This is probably why I am writing now, on the eve of the last day of my vacation. Finally, all obligations are done, now I get to spend most of the time with the really people who matter.

Well, which isn't to say that I spent the last few days with horrid people. Just one (who more than made up for everyone else). Just one who managed to make me want to drink and sleep the whole thing out. (Which I did, basically.)

Actually...maybe this is a retrospective entry (damnit)...if only to silently cuss at how difficult 2011 was. But changes are afoot (a change from the last declared change,too...but more on that some other time). We have 366 days this year instead of the 365, so let’s see how it goes. Maybe the extra day will herald something better.

I just wish...

...ah, so many things I cannot say online because of propriety.

Where the hell is my Moleskine?

p.s. But truly, happy new year, everybody. I'm only grumpy because I'm tired.

Challenge Accepted

To contextualize my anger, read this first.

Oh, where to begin?

So here's the sitch: The Senate is planning to amend an existing anti-discrimination bill to include the LGBT in its roster of individuals to protect. The Catholic church, nay, the CBCP (for it would be disingenuous to lump all the truly faithful with the CBCP) would like to exclude the LGBT for it might open the possibility to the legalization of same sex marriages. Also, by enacting this bill, they claim that the church can be penalized and fined for refusing to marry same sex couples.

To quote Jo Imbong, one of the lawyers of CBCP, "...The third sex, they choose this. How can you give protection to a choice like that?"

Oh, where to begin?

1. Just because the State wants to protect the LGBT from discrimination does not necassarily mean they would legalize same sex marriage. (By the way, this is me not launching into that topic - with much deliberateness and difficulty.)
2. The debate continues as to what "causes" homosexuality. The very hypothesis makes me cringe though as I don't believe that it is actually "caused". I know there are arguments out there about nature and nurture and all that jazz, but for me, it's as simple as this: I know that homosexuality is not a choice because I know that my heterosexuality is not a choice. How the LGBT live their lives, THAT is the choice - that they have every bloody right to make. Homosexuals do not live their lives expressly to annoy people; they live it for themselves.
3. Let's just say, for argument's sake, that it is a choice - should they then be excluded from protection just because they chose to be gay?!? I mean, SERIOUSLY??? I don't discriminate against people who choose Justin Bieber over The Decemberists, because as kadiri as that choice may be to me, by God, I shall defend their rights to have the Bieber Fever!!! 

Years ago, people who were persecuted sought sanctuary from the church. It is horrifying how today, the church is not only denying them sanctuary by turning them away, they are also stripping them of protection, even saying that they should not be protected at all! It's one thing to shun people because, well, you don't like them. It's another to say that the State should not protect them as well.

"Catholic" means universal. Some universal church you want to build there, CBCP. Last I checked, Jesus asked me to love my neighbors, not condemn them. I refuse to believe that my capacity to love and protect the LGBT is greater than God's own love and protect. That's all he ever asked of us, just to love!

I have been educated by some of the best Catholic minds in my country, and they did not educate me - they did not raise me - to feel hatred for the Other. And now you want to institutionalize this, this, this HATRED? Do not hide your bigotry behind your institution.

On some level, I know that this is moot. I'd like to believe that the State is pretty solid on maintaining its separation from the Church (you might like to review that), so this law shall most probably be amended. It has to be amended.

You know what you are, CBCP? You are a bully.

And you know we do to bullies? We kick them in the nuts. We stand up against them and fight back. Challenge accepted, CBCP. Challenge accepted.

If you don't want to stand for LGBT, then fine. Go do whatever the hell it is that you do. But let me protect them. Let. Me. Protect. Them. Let it be legal to do so.

Kailangan Matuto Ako Magalit Sa Tagalog

This being a non-working holiday, the hubster thought it would be a good idea for all of us to go to the mall to take care of some errands. The wait at one of the stops took a little longer than Lucia could bear to be inside, so we decided to go out of the store and run merrily about in the wide near-empty halls of the mall.

All of a sudden, this ugly, fat, boorish kid (all of two years old) came out of the store from whence we came and stopped in front of my daughter. Lucia looked at him curiously as the horrible child pushed – nay, HADOUKENED – my angel to the floor. It happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to cushion her fall, so she fell backwards and hit the back of her head on the floor. She knows how to fall, thank goodness, so it wasn’t a deadly thud, but it was enough to frighten and hurt her enough to cry something fierce.

Dear reader, please do not judge me, but at that moment, I really thought I could’ve killed that boy.

I screamed bloody hell and his yaya came out. She whisked the tyrant inside and didn’t even apologize to me! I went inside and kneeled towards the boy, who, by then, was being admonished by his nitwit of a mother. I wanted to show them how much Lucia was crying. When nary an apology or even an attempt at eye contact could be envisaged from the scoundrel and his inutil placenta carrier, I went to the nearest restaurant and asked for some ice to cool Lucia’s bump.

We were about to leave it at that, but halfway through our exeunt, I decided to go back to that, that, that woman and her offspring.

I was incensed – LIVID – that I had to be the one to go up to her and demand for an apology! I told her that had it been MY child that pushed her child, I would muster up the decency to come up to her and apologize PROFUSELY and not cower behind the inability to make eye contact! “The least you could’ve done was apologize!” I screamed at her.

Nothing came from her. She still wasn’t looking at me.

“Do you understand me? I said YOU should’ve come to ME and said sorry!” I said. 

“But I did sorry! I did sorry! You not hear!” she screamed back.

Anak ng ****, ano daw?!?

“You did no such thing! I have a mall full of people who could attest to your indecency!” I said-slash-spat at her.

“He is two! I did sorry!” she yelled.

“I don’t care if he’s two! I don’t care about your kid! I’m saying YOU’RE terrible!” I screamed.

“But I did sorry!”

“Good God, you can’t even defend yourself properly! You...”

P A U S E

Okay, for the record, this is what I wanted to say: “You insipid, nitwit of a woman. You unfortunate bearer of a womb. Your eggs must be frozen so that this planet should not be plagued by other mortals condemned by your malignant, sorry excuse for a gene pool.”

And I realized how futile that would be, so I ended up saying this:

P L A Y

“You...STUPID!!!”

ASDFGHJKL!!!

She did sorry.

I not hear.

She stupid.

Katz, why you no galit in Tagalog na lang kasi?!?





P.S. Lucia’s fine, by the way, and I am duly chastising myself for my murderous thoughts. But my God, nobody touches my child in that way, in my presence, and leaves unscathed by my venomous tongue.

"Manong Third Year"

One of our longtime guards passed away yesterday. He was directing traffic and then he had a heart attack. It was almost as if he was switched off—one minute he was there, the next he was gone.

News of his death spread in trickles at first through Twitter. My feed was peppered with bits and pieces of the story. When the story was finally taking shape in my head, I couldn't help but wish that it wasn't "Manong Third Year" (that's the pet name my husband and I gave him since he's usually stationed in our wing—right by my class' classroom, no less). Despite all the evidence, I was vehemently denying that it was he who had passed, until finally, the actual confirmation came.

I shed copious tears—still am—and I can't quite grasp why I'm so sad and how sad I am. Was it because I saw him every, single, blessed day? Was it because he and I would always talk about the weather, the kids, my husband (whom he has known for so long as well since Chaddy used to work here), my daughter (whom he has known since she was in my belly)? Was it because he had seen my daughter make her first furtive steps along the corridors and was equally delighted?

Yes and so much more. He had been part of my life, no matter how fleeting, no matter how minutely. No, I can't even make that argument since he wasn't a minute part of my life. A day in school would pass when I wouldn't see some of my colleagues, but I would always see him. The other older guard and I were speaking this morning and he said something that really hit home. "Ma'am, bago pa nga kayo naging mag-boyfriend ni Sir Chad, kilala na po namin kayo." Indeed, and that's why he was such a big part of our lives.

Today would be the first time since having started with the third year program (close to three years now) that I wouldn't be seeing him. Selfishly, I will mourn for that loss. Oh, how the kids and I will miss you. How Chad and I will miss you. Thank you letting me hug you at least once, Manong Nelson. Haha! :)

Get some rest and till we meet again—as I'm half expecting you to stand guard at the gates of Heaven as well.

Thankful

Thanksgiving isn't a big holiday here in the Philippines, but it is still my favorite holiday. I remember how nippy the weather turns, how pretty the leaves become, how the woolly sweaters make a comeback. Sure, it has origins that are distinctly...violent (if you will), but I like that it has evolved into something much more benevolent. You don't have to belong to a particular religion or race to celebrate it because gratitude is universal.

Plus, turkey is awesome and I make a mean stuffing.

So, in keeping with this weekend's theme, I would like to publicly state what I am thankful for:

I am thankful for wobbly steps that flirt with the possibility of running.

I am thankful for a husband who knows how to make me feel better after a huge dose of douchebaggery from a "friend."*

I am thankful for my kids who are the darlings of my heart -- difficult as they may be to handle at times. :p (You guys are so gulo!)

I am thankful for coffee. And wine.

I am thankful for my co-teachers who are hard working and easy-to-laugh.

I am thankful for my gift of wit (for how shall I survive otherwise?).

I am thankful for a God who gives me the Desire to desire, even if I am often remiss with the Thank Yous.

Happy thanksgiving, everyone! :)

*Yes, there is a back story to that, but no, I shall not write about it here. Needless to say, that "friend" is no longer one.

First of Many

My darling Lucia is one today. :)

I've been anxious and dreading this day because it's simply too bittersweet. I'm having serious separation anxiety issues with Lucia's infancy, hehe. But my happiness and gratitude is overwhelming and far outweighs any silliness that is my inadequate mother-ness.

00.O.00

My beloved, do you have any idea how loved you are? How much joy you bring to every single person around you?

Your smile dispels any threat of sadness, fatigue, and self-doubt. Your raised arms brings such self-worth to me as you deem me worthy of being the bringer of comfort to you.

Your scrunched up face in glee, matched with your squeals of laughter, strengthens and breaks your Daddy's heart as he leaves for work. When you play hide-and-seek and peekaboo with Daddy, what you're really doing is tugging on his heartstrings and making joyous music.

When you sleep at night, may you dream dreams that are bigger than your wee toes. May you be surrounded by hope that is wider than your outstretched arms.

But what is bigger than your toes? For I feast on them constantly and still they are there. What is wider than your outstretched arms? For when you engulf me with your baby smells, you banish even the most ancient of hurts.

You are God's constant reminder that your Daddy and I are loved, blessed, and beautifully (humbly, happily, and proudly) unworthy of you and the promise of who you will be. We do not deserve his grace, but we shall live out the rest of our lives basking in the honor that we were chosen for you. Thank you for everything that you are and will be to us.

Thank you even for those years when Mommy cried when she thought she couldn't have you. Even those years have become more precious as they have become fodder for a gratitude that grows bigger as each day passes.

Daddy and I love you very much, Luciapet. Luciakins. Munchkinitoo. Happy birthday! 

Best Birthday Gift Ever

Every night, Lucia and I watch several Sesame Street videos to help her fall asleep. One of the things that she loves to watch is Sesame's Word on the Street clips with the monster Murray. He basically introduces a new word to the kids and asks kids and adults alike to describe/explain the word on the street. One of our all-time favorites is the episode on celebration:

Well, today being my birthday, I had quite a few little celebrations. Started by going to the chapel with Lucia, Chad, and yaya. Then my A boys gave me a card and a HUGE chocolate cake (they know their mommy all too well). We all ate the cake and reduced it to smithereens during recess and proceeded to be on a sugar high for the rest of third period.

Thanks to Facebook, I also got a barrage of well wishes from friends, students, and colleagues. I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook, but it sure knows how to make a person feel loved on his/her birthday.

Some of my favorites come from Ardy, a former student of mine. He was in the class whose study period (like study hall) I handled in his first year and then I was his English teacher in his second year. He was also in my first moderating class. I love those kids to DEATH, and we have been through a LOT (to say the least), so it really warms my heart whenever I get to hear from them again.

Click on the picture to enlarge.

Another favorite is from my brother Pow. He and I grew up together. As kids, we drove each other nuts; as much as sisters and brothers are wont to do. When we got older, we became inseparable naman. I seriously consider him as one of my best friends in this world. I don't think I will ever get used to not living close to him as he is such a huge part of who I am today. There are aspects of me that only he really understands.

Click on the picture to enlarge.

This other one was from Chaddy. Now, just to contextualize: He doesn't really go on FB all that much. In fact, I was the one who made his profile. So it really is a big deal that he posted this at all -- with a sweet video to boot!

Click on the picture to enlarge.

Here's the video that he sent:





But enough about me, because something even better is coming up! In a few hours, our darling, precious, miracle baby is going to turn one!

This time last year, I was with me was my mom (thank God) and my husband. Sure, the labor was a day and a half long, but this little pumpkin made the wait so worth it.



I'm still torn between being really sad and being really happy (I still don't want her to grow up!), but I am all about being extremely grateful. God has been so good to us, and it all really culminates with her. We thought we were never going to have a baby of our own, and my how the Lord proved us wrong. I shall forever be humbled knowing that God found us worthy to be parents of this little angel.
Happy birthday, my darling. Daddy and I are so happy to have you in our lives. You are the best birthday gift ever. :)