Breaking Free from Self-Made Shackles

As some of you might know, I am currently working on my thesis. I'm creating a learning unit that aims to teach English to Filipinos in such a way that it encourages original thought and promotes a renewed and well-defined national identity and NOT perpetuate the cloying effects of Colonial Mentality. Aside from my wonderful advisor, there seems to be a growing bunch of individuals who are really excited to read the final product. I can't say I blame them because -- and I say this with as much humility as I can muster -- I think my topic rocks.

At the same time, though, I am at the point of my research and writing where I feel stumped not only because of the ever-present threat of writer's block, but also because, to tell you quite honestly, it's a little depressing. I am not writing this thesis for the sake of academic what-ifs. Technically, it's a Master's Project because I intend to create a working unit, one that can be applied in the classroom. But I am discouraged by the creeping awareness that this little-project-that-could, well, won't.

I'm designing the unit so that it can be adapted to the curriculum of the school where I used to teach: an all-boys, Catholic school, that has long been the precursor of innovative pedagogical paradigms. But with all due respect to that school and its community, that school doesn't need this lesson as much as other schools do. As much as other children do. That school already has a wealth of resources available to them. I know that I need to go to the heads of the public education system to affect real change in Philippine society. If I want to make real change in the Philippine educational system, I need to go to the root of the problem. And there lies the rub. My idealism is dwarfed by the enormity of corruption and apathy that surround public schools. I feel tiny and insignificant and lost.

This is no pipedream. This topic isn't one that I just plucked out of nowhere. Every single paper I've done since I began my Masters has been towards this end. And now that I'm nearing the finish line, I am bogged down by negativity and utter hopelessness. How do I tell the powers-that-be that we should stop emulating the colonizer that no longer occupies us? How do I tell my fellow Filipinos to snap out of their insipid obsessions on copying The Other that clearly has had their fill of us? Hang on, Mr. Tumbleweed, let me join you as you bound aimlessly in the highway of cultural denial...

...Or maybe I'm just tired. Yes, maybe that's just it. This topic is getting the better of me. As it should be, I suppose. Enough writing for today, I guess. I'll be back to my old chipper self tomorrow. For now, listen to me, Oh Great Vastness of Cyberspace. Listen to me fellow Filipinos near and far: We are shackled by our own self-doubts. The oppressor has long gone. We need not be bound by their influence anymore. We can't blame it all on Them anymore. We are the ones bringing ourselves down. Let's be rid of this borrowed identity and forge our own. Because I don't know about you, but I want to be free.