...and then there are those that broke my heart.
One student, upon the death of a beloved aunt has become agnostic, he now hates God (although, I told him that technically, he isn't an agnostic, "just" angry at God...which is, in light of the situation, a little comforting, because I know that there is hope for him yet). He blames God for taking away his aunt far too soon.
One student, knows that he is capable of great things (he is) but is burdened by an overwhelming sense of ennui (my word, not his, haha...) and he feels trapped.
One student, hates himself. His mother was supposed to pick him up from school one day and was gunned down. A case of mistaken identity. He blames himself.
One student, saw his father die from a heart attack in front of his very eyes. He is struggling with the grieving process and he resorts to hurting himself instead of burdening his mother with his grief.
I have a (not so) baby (anymore) brother who is the same age as my students, and I can't help but wonder if he, too, goes through bouts of self-hate. I offer a silent prayer of thanks that he is safe, that our parents are still around, and that he is, amazingly, a really good person through and through. And then I think about who I was when I was 15/16 and I shudder. Ugh. Thank God my parents stuck by me.
It is times like this that I feel so utterly useless - and yet I am inexplicably happy that I am where I am. What platitudes can I offer? What could I possibly do to make things better? (And from an icky teacher standpoint - how could I possibly be objective enough to give him a proper grade?) But I am happy that I am here where I can make a difference, no matter how minuscule.
For those of you who can, go stop doing whatever it is that you are doing and hug your parents. Hug your loved ones. Let them know they are loved. And pray for my kids. Pray that they find what God has in store for them.
*Sigh*
And now we go back to reality in 5, 4, 3...
you are on your way to making a great difference in the lives of those you touch as Mentor and Teacher (in capital letters) ... good grades follow when students develop a sense of achievement and mission inspired by self-worth and esteem
ReplyDeleteyou are a good teacher Kat - you care
ReplyDeletesomething a lot of teachers do not do anymore
kids are kids, they go threw a lot of different feeling an losing a loved one at a young age affects them differently than it would when they are older
you are doing fine
have a good weekend
"It is times like this that I feel so utterly useless" - far from it.
ReplyDeleteI always remember the advice of an interviewee in "Bowling for Columbine" when asked the question "What would you say to them if they were here right now?" (the killers obviously). Response was simple:
"I wouldn't say a single word to them; I would LISTEN to what they had to say - and that's what no one did."
The interviewee: Marilyn Manson ;)
Wisdom is found in the strangest of places... so is healing. Just be there for them and you would've done more than what any shrink could possibly do... not that they need a shrink though hahahaha (para naman mabalik sa happy note)
Thanks, guys. Sorry this is so late. Haven't had Internet access because of the storm (gadzooks). But thanks. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd Marilyn Manson has always be an upright fellow in my book. ;-)