Cold Nights. Hot Showers. (And God Bless the Maoris.)

I just took a shower.

It's a cold night.

But I always take a shower before bed, even when it was the dead of winter back home in Grand Rapids.

Lately, when it's cold and my OCD tells me that I must, must, must take a shower no matter what, I've been thinking of the basement.

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Whenever I take a shower, I chant—either in my head or out loud (especially when it's cold)—"I need to be clean, I need to be clean, I need to be clean..."

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In the basement, the water was always piping hot. The basement, true to its stereotype, was always cold. The cold seeped into our bones.

All of us patients were sorta just floating through the place (always wishing that tomorrow would be the day we would get out), so we were usually just hugging ourselves. We were doing it for warmth, but the cold made a good excuse to bolster our efforts to shield ourselves from each other (protect each other from our selves).

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When I stepped out of the shower, shivering and dripping, I remembered the basement.

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My showers were always luxurious. The water was always scalding, which I loved. I'd stand under the shower and wait for the warmth to get into my bones.

Never mind that there was a nurse, watching me. Making sure I wouldn't hurt myself.

(Well, it was only during the first week anyway.)

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Still.

Those showers were pockets of time when I didn't hate where I was.

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Mostly.

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Sometimes, I wish I were back in the basement.

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If only for those showers.

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I'm all right. I'm just a little tired. And I miss those showers.

And sometimes—sometimes—I miss the basement. If only for how safe and predictable it was.

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And then there's this:

Years ago, Chad and I learned that Maoris say hi by touching noses and foreheads. Since then, we've called nose rubs "Maori Hi." We've passed on this term to Lucia, who asks for it now and then. 

We were supposed to take our usual end-of-the-day picture, but before I could set it up, Lucia asked for a Maori Hi. I didn't know that I pressed the video button.

She must've known today was tiring. Good night, everyone! :)