Soon

So I had to take a step back and willfully prevent myself from writing anything these past few weeks because I was just really, really, really angry.

I've forgotten the order in which these stages come, but I can't really say that I'm done with the rage part just yet. Thankfully, my sense of humor has kicked in and now I'm acerbically laughing and at this whole mess. Because, sure, let's just make fun of everything.

I'm quite good at it, too. People who have heard my story laugh (with the prerequisite shaking of head, natch), and it helps me deal with it. But at the end of the day...well, no. At the end of the day, my meds kick in and I sleep.

Apparently, drugstores have phased out the formulation of this one medicine I take. The pharmacist assured me that I'd still be taking the same dose, but it wasn't the "slow-release" kind anymore. Whatever, I didn't really listen. I just bought the meds and left. I tend not to linger in drugstores because people always look at me funnily when they see how much I buy. (Aside: True to Filipino tactlessness, one old lady asked me once, "Ba't ang dami mong gamot? Mamamatay ka na ba? Nakakahawa ba yan?" I said, "Opo," and then I coughed at her. Okay, no, I didn't. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANTED TO, THOUGH.)

Anyway, because of this new formulation (actually, I was on this formulation before), I now get sleepy just.like.THAT. Like, I'd be talking to my daughter one moment and then I'd feel this overwhelming surge of drowsiness and then, bam!, I'm asleep.

I guess all this sleeping is helping. Ish. Between commuting and teaching and being with Lucia and commuting and commuting and, oh have I mentioned?, commuting, I hardly have time for anything else. Because commuting.

Which is a lie, of course, because in pockets of mental aimlessness, I feel the Anger. And it is dark and heavy and moist and patient. And every time I make a joke or laugh, it chuckles along (nefariously, natch) because it knows we will have to deal with each other sooner or later.

But not now, Anger. You wait. I don't have time for you yet. Soon. (Also, how on earth do I start? Where?)

Oh, but when I do. It shall be glorious. I assure you.