15 Films

Oh, dear. I hate that I'm limited to just 15 films!

Since the instructions say that I should limit myself to films that will "stick" with me, I picked the movies mostly for emotional reasons.

Interestingly enough, I didn't pick any "art films", as my husband calls them (i.e. films that make him either sleep, roll his eyes, or say, "This is depressing!"). There are a few indie films, but he also enjoyed those, so they aren't quite as "artsy" as say, Clockwork Orange. Haha!

8 Months...The Final Frontier ("...these are the voyagers of the Starship Enterprise...")

Sorry, it's just when I hear "the final frontier", I instantly hear Jean-Luc Picard's voice completing the rest of the opening spiel for Star Trek: The Next Generation. (Trekkie Alert!)

So yeah. Eight months. Big woop. :)

I downplay, but truly, I am scaredexcitedanxiousimpatientterrified. Our recent check up revealed that I lost 5 pounds though (what the...?) and Luci lost some weight as well. I've been going through a lot of stress at work lately (mostly because of one particular section...guuuh) which might account for that. So OPLAN Patabain Si Luci is in full gear yet again.

Meanwhile, here's the latest in the series. I look like I know something really bad about you and I'm just dying to let it all out. Haha! ;)

I am extremely tired all the time though. I really can't wait for that maternity leave to kick in. Only a few more weeks. Sigh. 

IlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjob.

Meanwhile, here's a little something to get all of us going this morning. It's been running through my head since, well, last week. Haha. :)

Have a colorful day, everyone!

Step Away from the Belly (and Other Warnings)

In the great tradition of Filipino tactlessness masquerading as familiarity (when really, it's a false sense — or at least a warped notion — of community), I bring you: What Not to Do or Say to Pregnant Women, Katz Edition (meaning, what not to say to this pregnant woman).

Happy and Pink! :D

My friend showed me this video because, well, everybody knows I love pink. ;)

Besides, how can I not share this video in this blog?!? This makes me all shades of happy and pink. :D

Grumpy. Hmph.

I'm so tired.

I'm supposed to be on bed rest but I brought home some work. I'm technically mostly horizontal most of the day, but I've been checking papers nonstop and it's driving me nuts!

Grr.

I miss the ability to see my feet while standing. I miss being blissfully unaware of my spine instead of it screaming uncle due to the weight of my belly. I miss knowing that my gastric juices are just fine and dandy. I miss being able to paint my toes. I miss my heels. Well, not really. Still.

I'm very, very, very grumpy today. Duh. Blech.

Sigh. Just a few more weeks. I hope I get out of this gloomy rut soon. Just incredibly tired, and I didn't even do anything strenuous today!

Thank God for Chaddy who keeps me sane. Sigh.

Hello, bed rest. We meet again. (((sigh)))

Last Wednesday, I felt these weird contractions. It started in the morning and then it got progressively more intense as the day wore on. I wasn't really concerned since I've been having lots of those these days, but I was feeling, er, wetter than usual.

Some time in the afternoon, I started to feel like something was, hmmm, different. So I decided to go home a bit earlier. Eventually though, when those symptoms failed to taper off, I called Chaddy so that he could come pick me up and bring me to the hospital. I was trying to laugh things off (my first stage is happy denial), but I knew something was up -- or at least someone wanted to go down.

Well, we got to the hospital and I got the royal treatment. (Riding wheelchairs is fun!) When we got to the delivery room, I was poked and prodded once more (NOT fun!), and after a rather intense hour (I actually cried because the poking and prodding was a little too painful), it was determined that no, my cervix had not dilated yet and no, that wasn't amniotic fluid coming out of me.

I don't want to get into the gory details, but I do just want to say that I'm fine. :) I'm on some (pretty expensive) meds and I have to get some steroid injections to speed up Luci's lung development, just in case she does decide to come out a bit sooner. She's also in the breech position (her kicks to my bladder have been something else, I tell you!), so Chaddy and I have been talking to her, using the flashlight on the lower portion of my belly, and making her listen to music near my bellybutton just so she'd move into the right position.

As you can see, Aslan's been lending a helping hand as well. (Does this lion make me look fat? Hehehe...)

We also had another look-see yesterday, just to make sure everything's okay in there. Everything looks peachy so far! Chubby Cheeks Lulu is staying put for now. :)

Here she is at 29 weeks and something-something days (can't tell anymore, really):

What sucks is that I've been ordered to stay in bed for a week. Again. Ugh. I hate this, and I have so much work to do! But it's only for observation and, of course, anything for Lulukins. :)

So I've surrounded myself with all my backlog and several books to tide me over. Should be good, right? Haha. :p

So there. Just a few more weeks!

On the "Ground Zero Mosque"

This is making the rounds in Facebook as the author is asking for us to spread the word. And I shall. Gladly. So many of my so-called Christian friends (most of them new Christians, too) are against this with so much passion that I am seriously bothered. This time, it isn't so much as a mere disagreement in ideology. We are entering the realm of the manifestion of that ideology -- an ideology that, I fear, is rooted is hatred.

Here is, as what my mom said, an authentically Christian perspective on the matter.

More and more, I am beginning to see that just because it is Converservative doesn't necessarily mean that it is Christian. (And just because I am Liberal, doesn't mean I am heathen...Well, I try. Hehe. :D)

But more than the labels, let us seriously think about the implications of our actions and where these are coming from. Are we compelled to do out of hate? Ignorance? Intolerance?

Remember that all Jesus told us to do was to love God and to love each other. Nothing more.

Seven Months

I'm so busy, I really shouldn't be doing this right now. The term's about to end and I have compositions -- a total of three sets! -- that are begging to be checked. I'm just telling myself that it's good to take a little breather to keep me sane. ;)

Turned 7 months some time this week. Apparently, I'm due a little earlier now. I guess my EDD is supposed to fluctuate which, as you can imagine, is wreaking havoc on my abilities to keep my control issues in check. (Ah, but I have to let go of so many compulsive behaviors anyway.)

So anyhoo, now Luci might not be having the same birthday as I. Which is a good thing...she'll less likely end up like me, haha!

I'm huge. Ugh. I'm also really starting to feel the aches and pains now. My legs are fantastically painful at night and my goodness, our Little Lulu's so nocturnal! It's harder to sleep at night now, but it's okay. It's only a matter of time now.

Hay! Can't wait to give birth. Well, I'm not looking forward to the pain, but I'm really excited to meet this little kicker. :D

..o..

P.S. I was fiddling around with old files (yes, apparently, I'm still on that break...I'll go back to work soon!!!) and I found these old pictures. I think part of the reason why I've wanted to be a parent for so long is that I had such wonderful parents. :) Here I am with Papa (in Germany) and with Mama (in a bus, en route to France). 

Okay, okay...I'll go back to work now...(hah!).

*Insert Onomatopoeic Exclamation of Exhaustion*

The past few days have been reeedonculously busy. Work has been piling up, but that's normal. The numerous visits to the doctors, as well as the various tests I have to take, are really eating up all of my free time. Ah, third trimester. How, awful you are to me. :p

We've had a few medical concerns of late, too. First with me, then with Chaddy, and now...just with Chaddy, still. He still has to go through a few more rounds of tests, but hopefully, we'll get to some clear understanding soon.

But! There have also been a few highlights. :)

A co-teacher of mine is a friend of the son (still with me?) of one of my most favorite columnists everrr, Conrado de Quiros. She got me one of those cute journals (because, even though I've been blogging all these years, I still can't -- and won't -- shake the habit of actual journal writing) and she had de Quiros sign one of them for me. For. ME. Ugh, I can't stand how kilig that makes me!!! :D

I don't know what to love more! The journal? The actual note? (I mean, he wishes he could do something that I do...How. Awesome. Is. That?!?) Or what? Yeah, that's right! The fact that CONRADO DE QUIROS SIGNED MY JOURNAL!!! :D

Haha. :D 

Another highlight of this past week was our recent check up on Luci. A few weeks ago, the doctor was a bit concerned because Luci was on the small side. She asked me to eat more and change my vitamins for a spell. I was also slated to take one of those icky blood tests to check if I have Gestational Diabetes (GD). When we got the results, we saw that I was right at the cusp of having it -- maybe because I took the test at the tailend of a week when I ate significantly more than before? Who knows. Anyhoo, it was a rather anxious week that followed, but when I went back for a check up, not only were my fluids normal (something about the amount of amniotic fluid pointing to GD...) but Luci had reached normal weight as well.

Here is our munchkin to date, at 27 weeks:

First she was frowning...

And then she was smiling! :D

Well, actually, she had her tongue out, right before that last picture. Haha! My daughter's so cheeky, I love it!

So there. I'm not sure when I'll be able to write something substantial again. But these two great events will tide me over till the next great event. ;)

(Revisiting) My Strange Comfort in That Which Cannot Be Explained

Just reposting this because I feel the need for comfort right now. Felt it the whole day that I was actually listening to the song earlier (below).

Wonder of wonders, one of my former students mentioned credo quia absurdum. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is!




..o.. 

I normally don't talk about my faith as much as I talk about my political beliefs. It isn't really because of shame as much as it is because my faith is admittedly too precarious for me to talk about. I have never been one to choose religion over faith, and so I would appear too liberal to "non-believers" (ugh, I hate that term...these people still believe in something, just not God - proof eternal that we live in a predominantly theist society that does not necessarily embrace those who are different...), at the same time appear too wishy-washy for those who are still burning with religious fervor.

But I see a lot of people blog about their faith and I really am moved by their vigor - almost envious even. There seems to be a resurgence of religion in the youth (especially in the Philippines) and I am really pleased. But I grew up with this "religion" and honestly, I don't feel compelled to write about it as much because (and this'll sound really bad)...I've been there and I've done that way before it was in vogue. (Told you it will sound bad.) I know that's wrong, and I'm working on that. Read on...

But it's one of those blah days. I slept for almost 10 hours last night, and instead of waking up fresh-faced to see the new morning, all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep-sleep-sleep. I am overcome with such tiredness that it's almost scary. There are a lot of things going on right now and I haven't really been dealing with them by choice. There are too many things to do and frankly, I don't have time to be sad. But it's all catching up, and I'm feeling it all right now. So now I am compelled to talk about my faith.

A lot of people ask me why the title of my site is credo quia absurdum. A little background then.

I dated a man who was a Catholic-who-became-an-atheist-who-then-became-a-Christian (how C.S. Lewis, no? LOL!) In the course of our relationship, I came to know a lot of atheists who eventually became REALLY good friends of mine. Up to this very day, I consider these friends closest to my heart.

One of the perks of having such individuals as friends are the lively "debates" we get into. Because of those, I did a lot of introspection. There was a period in my life when I was not searching for God as much as I was reflecting on the tenets posed by most organized religions. I read up on all these other religions not so much to convert as much as to understand where they were coming from and to somehow find a common thread.

What I realized from all my readings is that there can be no real debate between atheists and theists. (Just really-really-really lengthy conversations that end with much laughter, love, and understanding...and beer.) Atheists prove through logic, theists do not prove at all, but believe through faith; yes, even if it is illogical, strange, and absurd. Hence, credo quia absurdum. I believe (precisely) because it is absurd. I choose faith over logic, I choose strange over normal, I choose absurdity over sense.

Now you all know how anal I am and how I need everything clear and explained and in order. But this inexplicable aspect of my life actually brings comfort. I do not want to explain or prove God's existence as much as I want to experience it. I don't tell other people to convert as much as I want them to find out more about God when they see how I live my life. I know I fail to do that in so many ways, but it isn't about my failure as much as it is about God's success.

So there. I'm not going to apologize for not wearing my faith on my sleeve. I'm too much of a tax collector than a pharisee anyway. I choose to practice my faith in silence and hope that my silence can shut down the noise that my demons keep making. Some people say I do not talk about my faith enough...but look at the title of my site. I do proclaim my faith, every single day. But I am also a work in progress and I shall leave the proselytizing to the experts. And I'm not going to apologize for embracing my faith over my logic either.

My comfort is in this inexplicable wonder called Jesus and I am nothing without this absurdity.

 Comfort in Your Strangeness
by Cynthia Alexander
Woke up this morning
I was staring at the ceiling cracks and road maps and highways and landscapes
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind only to find
comfort in Your strangeness
Of moving shadows when I call the wind by name
rushing firewater in the dark of a cloud
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind only to find
comfort in Your strangeness
We are slaves to the crimes we commit
in fits of passion
we shame
We are nothing, we are nothing, we are nothing, we are nothing
But the dust on Your feet
Dying to be born again
Singing ether, water, fire, singing earth, singing air
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind only to find
comfort in Your strangeness
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind
only to find
comfort in Your strangeness

The Last Trimester (Dan-Dan-Duuuuuuhn)

I can hardly believe it. Can you? :)

She's looking pretty awesome. I'm looking pretty puffy. Haha! ;p

Almost there!!!