BlueBlueBlue

A few days ago, I actually ventured out to the sea on my own. Those closest to me know how terrified, terrified, I am of swimming in the open sea -- with or without a companion. My husband has tried to make me conquer my fears, but it would almost always end in tears. The last time I swam in the sea, I was stung by one of those prickly, horrid things.

Alas, I remembered that my meds make me photosensitive too late. By bedtime, my arms were covered in rashes.

But I went out to the sea again, photosensitivity be damned. I stayed out longer, staringstaringstaring at the whitecaps of the waves. In a flash, the world darkened as the sun went behind the clouds, and the sea turned such a deep shade of blue. While I was swimming (okay, wading) in the sea, the water was so clear, I could easily see the bottom, but from afar, the sea was just blueblueblue.

I've been having little bouts of loneliness during the day, and I try to nap it away. There are certain things in my life that I am slowly beginning to accept and I am at the brink of completely letting go of those that brought me to this place of sadness. Almost there, almost there.

And the irony is thus:

I'm wading in the depths of my sadness and I am blueblueblue. I need to move far away, gain perspective, gain clarity, enough to get to the bottom of this.

Because, frankly, I'm tired of being sad, of being in-between, of being high, of being low.

...

I'm waiting for the rashes to emerge. Sigh.