Grey

It has been a peaceful first day back here at Dalipuga. It's been raining the whole day, so the skies, the sea, even the air itself, are and feel grey. I've been in bed mostly. It seems as though the stress of being in Manila is slowly melting away, and so my limbs have turned to mush.

I felt like crying when we landed at Cagayan de Oro. Somehow, with the thud of the airplane's wheels came the realization that I really was far from most of the things I love. My comfort is that Lucia is with me (and that her yaya is here, too). But I feel so...detached from everything. Which is actually a good thing (says my shrink). It's just so...far. I know, cumulatively, I had spent a month down in the basement. But that was a detachment of the mind. This is a detachment of a more encompassing kind. Whatever that means. (I don't understand my own thoughts, guh.)

My Nana says I can have painting lessons, and I can pretty much do anything I want.

I hope I find out what I want soon...

The world outside is so grey, it's hard to tell where the sea ends and the sky begins. Yes, the analogy is not lost on me.