Day Two

On to Day Two! (ICYMI, here's Day One.)

Day One: Ten best things about being alive.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself that you like.
Day Three: Eight things you know for sure.
Day Four: Seven things that make you laugh.
Day Five: Six things you are thankful for/appreciate every day.
Day Six: Five people in whom you perceive Ultimate Goodness.
Day Seven: Four turn ons.
Day Eight:  Three things you want to do for your community/ the world.
Day Nine: Two things you think you need to work on personally.
Day Ten: One thing you'd like to change about your life.

1.  I am full of milky goodness. Haha! (Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to meet the demands of my very takaw daughter!)
2.  For all my faults, I seem to fit perfectly with Chaddy's perfections and imperfections. I love my husband, I love our marriage.
3.  I'm a nerd, but at least I got mad social skillz, yo.
4.  I think I'm funny. Well, I crack myself up, that's for sure. (I travel with a constant rimshot in my head. *badamdamching*)
5.  It's mababaw, but I really like my, er, oral area? (Teeth and lips.) Haha!
6.  I come from a very crazy yet unbelievably caring family, and my childhood is brimming with wonderful memories because of them.
7.  I really, really, REALLY love my job.
8.  I can hear stuff very well. Labo nun a. I mean, I can tell when something's even slightly off key, I can hear the nuances in accents and inflections, I can decipher what Lucia's cries mean fairly easily, that sort of thing. It was a pretty trivial skill until the arrival of ze litol Duckie.
9.  My OCD cripples me, but it also keeps me alive, so I might as well like that about myself...like it enough to let go a little? A few germs won't hurt, right?

...GASP!!! I take it back! I can't even jest about it. Hahaha!

Day One

Happy holidays!!!

So obviously, I've been busy. In lieu of an actual update on this new adventure, here's a meme! (Natch.)

I've been feeling really crappy the past few days because of you-know-who, so here is my attempt to focus on the positive, the real, the important, and the lasting. Saw this meme in a friend's blog and loved the idea behind it, so here it goes!

(Full disclosure: I may not be able to do this on consecutive days, but I shall do my best to do all ten days' tasks.)

Day One: Ten best things about being alive.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself that you like.
Day Three: Eight things you know for sure.
Day Four: Seven things that make you laugh.
Day Five: Six things you are thankful for/appreciate every day.
Day Six: Five people in whom you perceive Ultimate Goodness.
Day Seven: Four turn ons.
Day Eight:  Three things you want to do for your community/ the world.
Day Nine: Two things you think you need to work on personally.
Day Ten: One thing you'd like to change about your life.

1. Family; the one I have now with Chaddy and Lucia and the one I had growing up.
2. Stories; reading them, writing them, and watching them on film.
3. Friends, REALLY good friends.
4. Music
5. Chocolates
6. You know that feeling when you REALLY need to but you can't and then you FINALLY do get to pee? THAT feeling.
7. Cooking for Chaddy, breastfeeding Lucia
8. Teaching
9. Laughter
10. Silent moments with Chaddy when we don't need to talk to have a conversation.

Venti Vent

A lot has happened in a month. For starters, Luci has gained 2.2 pounds and is about 3 inches longer. The pedia said she's very healthy with strong and clear lungs. She also put us on a different formula because I noticed that ants would crawl around the powder -- didn't like the idea of giving her too much sugar (I mean, if she inherited my sweet tooth and then we make it worse with the formula then we're screwed). Overall though, the pedia gave a glowing report, which is a big relief for this frazzled first-time mom.

Paniki

My husband and I had to do errands today (registering Lucia's birth, getting loans in order, etc.) so we had to leave her with my MIL for a few hours. Actually, I'm still at the doctor's clinic, waiting for my OB so she could check on my incision and all the blechy business of the operation. I insisted on having Chad go back to the house ASAP though because I really have been a nervous wreck the whole morning. This was the first time we both left her at the house. Guh.

What if she cries and realizes I'm not there and her tiny heart will think I abandoned her?

First Item on the List: Stop Making Lists!

As I lay here, trying to restrict my movements (because Lucia is using me as a pillow), I am taking stock of my surroundings. I smell like milk, baby wipes, Lysol, soap, and my husband's shirt (he left his shirt for Luci to play with while he is at work). I am overwhelmed, exhausted, and eerily calm.

It has been a little over a week since Lucia finally arrived, and life has been overwhelming, to say the least.

Seriously?

Yep, seriously. Still pregnant.

Ten months and three days pregnant to be exact. I've been impatient, bored, and now flat out anxious-slash-panicky.

Was that a contraction or a kick? Why isn't she kicking as much? Have I taken enough fluids for the day? If I eat this piece of bread will make my baby become too fat for a normal delivery? Was that water leqking or just more of my usual discharge (gross alert)? Should I walk some more? Why do I feel so tired? Why can't I sleep properly at night, but sleep fine during the day -- does this mean my baby will be nocturnal? Why don't I have that nesting instinct thing going on? Is it because I don't live in our own home? Is that why Luci won't come out? Can she feel that?

And why the hell is she so bleepin' nega all the time?

...And that's just the first, oooh, 3.75 minutes of the day. You wouldn't want to know what goes on inside my head during the rest of the day.

Chaddy's a bit frantic as well (in fact, he just called to tell me to eat something and see if she'll kick). He hasn't been able to sleep properly in ages (there's always so much to do!) and I seriously worry about him. Hopefully, things'll ease up when my Mom arrives (in a few hours!). I'm hoping she can calm me down and offset any bad vibes, if you know what I mean.

I've been given advice as to how to speed all this up -- from the mundane (walk, walk, walk) to the bizarre (visualize; pretend you're the baby and visualize your own birth). With the amount of free time I have, I haven't encountered any advice that I had not previously read about or discussed with my doctor though.

Ah, but there is one advice that is quiet and persistent...and the one that I hate the most: Be patient for I am in control.

(((sigh)))

Hay. Si God talaga o...

I just...I just hope everything's okay in there.

I hope my next entry will be on the flipside of this whole journey. Can't wait to complain about engorged breasts and stuff. :p

What is this EQ that they speak of?

Ugh.

Still pregnant. Still waiting. Still, still, still.

There have been developments though. I've dilated a bit, and the doctor was able to touch Luci's head through the cervix already. I've also already lost my mucus plug and the contractions have been ubiquitous. Alas, the ever-important big contractions have not arrived. I'm sure when they do arrive I'll be wishing that they weren't here, but right now, I'm just hoping that they come. SOON.

Sure, it's because Luci's weight is perfect for a normal delivery and I don't want to go through CS. Sure, it's because I don't want to have to be induced.

But more than anything, and I realize this will be a big DUH coming from me, I'm so frakkin' impatient already. Sigh.

So, yeah. Still waiting.

Heeere, Luci, LUCI, L U C I ! ! !

Music Therapy!

Still waiting! Meanwhile, I've been watching these videos over and over and over again.

Here's a cute one of a young boy conducting the 4th movement of Beethoven's 5th Symphony. This child is AMAZING.




And this one will just knock your socks off. This is one of my favorite arias ever, not just because it's genius (extending, of course, to Mozart and whoever else could pull this off) but also because my Mom used to sing this and so it reminds me of her. :) Here's the fantastic Diana Damrau (I am now a fan for life).




Here's the version where she's wearing full on make up on stage. (I want that costume!!!) In one run, she played the Queen AND Pamina! Seriously, OMG.




GRABE!!! Enjoy, everyone. :D

Nooneenooneenoo...

...I must've said that (or typed and thought, since I haven't really talked to a lot of people today) ten million times today. I didn't go to work today since, upon waking up, I found out that I had been bleeding the whole night. Nothing major, but nothing minor either. So I've been under observation the whole day. The bleeding hasn't ceased, and now I'm beginning to feel definite discomfort in my lower back. Hmmm.

We're still here at the house though. The doctor actually told me to go to the hospital just to have her residents check me, just to be sure. But until I get definite labor contractions, I'm staying put. I'd much rather wait it out over here than there.

I can't describe how I'm feeling. I'm a little ambivalent about it (my powers of denial are AH-MAY-ZING) since I know I'm not quite 40 weeks yet, but at 37 weeks and 3 days, I'm just about ready anyway. Ah, my child has low EQ, too.

Anyhoo, stay tuned. I don't know if this is rock and roll or Kenny G pa lang. We'll know tomorrow since I'll be seeing my doctor then. Till then, peace out.

Just to Love

I wrote this article for the official magazine of the school where I teach. (And now where I used to teach. - K, 2013) They released a special edition that discussed homosexuality. 

Please take note, though, that the article was written for an audience of (mostly) Christians, hence the use of "our" in the sense that most of those who originally read it were Christians (Catholic, to be specific). If, however, you happen to chance upon this entry and are not a Christian, I would just like to say, for the record, that love is in no way the monopoly of Christians. 

In fact, sometimes I think that non-Christians are even more accepting of those who are different than the majority.

..o..

A few years ago, during the heyday of Multiply, I happened to chance upon a blog entry entitled (get ready) “Homosexuals Will Go to Hell.” The writer, let’s call her Ann, gave a series of Bible verses that she believed supported her claim. The reactions to that blog entry were interesting, to say the least. It spanned the whole spectrum of human emotions: from bilious disgust to exuberant agreement (“cyber hi-five!”). I added my own thoughts to the roster, but this comment was, by far, my favorite. I paraphrase: “Siyempre naman may mga bakla sa heaven, ‘no! Kung wala, e ‘di sino gagawa ng mga ‘Welcome to Heaven’ signs? Complete pa yun with balloons and confetti!” Oh, the hilarity that ensued.

I mention this because Ann is like many others, and she represents a steady and growing voice in our society today. Her thoughts echo popular thought and what is generally believed to be what is, well, “good.” We all know someone like Ann. We could be someone like Ann.

She has since put the blog entry down (or restricted access to it), but I do remember some of the Bible verses that she used. It was easy to remember, because I’ve seen these same verses used countless times to bolster the arguments regarding homosexuality:

1. Genesis 1:22 – Men and women are told to “go forth and multiply”, stressing on the ability of man and woman to come together to procreate.
2. Genesis 19 – The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah was brought about by the various sins of both towns, not least of which was homosexuality.
3. Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13 – It is abominable for man to “lie with another man” if done in the same way as he would with a woman.

I’ve seen several other passages used in the past, but they all basically point to the same conclusion: Homosexuality is a sin and must be condemned. The act itself is an abnormality that should be shunned at all costs.

Now I don’t claim to be an exegete; I am definitely no Bible expert. What I am and have been all my life is a sinful Christian. But I do know this much: verses taken out of context are not only erroneous but dangerous, for they allow us to distort God’s call for us to love. If we look at the verses above on a solely literal level, it would also be safe to assume, then, either of the following:

1. Men and women, joined even by the holiest of matrimonies, who are incapable of biologically “multiplying”, are falling short of God’s will. 
2. Manila, along with perhaps every single city in the world, is doomed for destruction any moment now, what with all the homosexuals in our midst.
3. While it is an abomination for man to lie with another man…woman can lie with another woman. Or man. Or anything.

These hypothetical arguments I raised are ludicrous and illogical, of course. Most of us know that biologically barren couples are still loved and blessed by God. The weather forecast promises rain, thunder, lightning, and the ever-present humidity; but no, fire and brimstone are not in the offing. And, well, I’ll just let you think about that third point on your own.

My personal advocacy for Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Rights has been steadily growing for years and people ask me several questions about it. The most important question they usually ask is why I’m so passionate about LGBT rights even though I’m straight. First of all, let’s think about what LGBT Rights are. Is the advocacy limited to their right to civil privileges? Their right to express themselves in the manner they choose? The right to be heard in an intelligent forum? The right to be adequately represented by the law?

I think more than all of these, the first attempt to forward LGBT Rights must be to remove the divide that separates them from what they intrinsically are: human rights. If we think of LGBT Rights in those terms, does it then become easier to comprehend why I push the agenda so much? It’s easy to understand why a person deserves a privilege, but isn’t it more difficult to think about limiting a privilege from a person? Why does that necessarily have to change with homosexuals? And let’s look at the second part of that question: "even though I’m straight." Should the desire for equality for a maligned group be limited to individuals of the said group? Did not Jesus die for Jews and Gentiles alike?

But let’s remove ourselves from all the rhetorical questions and the realm of theory. At the end of the day, it really is about this: everyone—every single human being—deserves the right to be heard, understood, represented…Everyone deserves the right to live in the manner they choose for as long as it doesn’t harm another. Being different is difficult enough what with the threat of judgment—but condemnation? That is a whole different story.

Really, there is no disconnect separating my being a teacher and my being a Christian and my being an LGBT advocate. As a teacher, I equip my students with the skills for them to think on their own and make their own conclusions—not to tell them what to think and what to conclude necessarily. So, as with anything, I can only hope that instead of condemning homosexuals to hell for being different (for lack of a better term), I hope my students know how to approach homosexuals and homosexuality with the kind of unequivocal love that Jesus approached the sinners. For all of us—straight, gay, and everything in between—are sinners all.

Which brings me to my final point: the very foundation of my Christianity is the deeply held belief that I am saved despite my failures and shortcomings. I am a living, blessed proof of Jesus’ mercy and love. I am a sinner and I am a testament of God’s forgiveness despite my abominable unworthiness. That I would even begin to think that I am worthy of condemning others to hell—either in the afterlife by hiding behind out-of-context Bible verses, or in this life by needless name calling, exclusion, and disgust—would be grossly hypocritical.

God gave us ten commandments that Jesus lovingly boiled down to two fundamental missives: to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul and mind; and to love others. He then goes on to say, “All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40). Then, full stop. No postscripts regarding with whom that love was confined. No by-the-ways about what is abnormal. No just-to-be-clears on how less love we should give to people with specific sexualities or genders. None of that. Just to love.

Just to love.

Image from here.

I end with tears in my eyes because there are times when I feel worn out. I open myself up to so much misinterpretation because of this advocacy all the time and it is difficult not to get angry. But I am reminded that this is not a plea made out of anger, but a plea made out of love. I think of students, friends, family, and life-long kindred spirits who just happen to be gay. I think of what they have to go through every single day: self-doubt, self-hate, self-judgment, and self-condemnation.

To them I say this: the Self that you know is but a shadow of the Self that the Lord created, sees, and will love for all eternity. And inasmuch as it is difficult for others to see that, do see these people who—like you—just need to be loved. If they can’t make the first step by asking for forgiveness, make the first move to forgive. For really, it must start somewhere. If it’s not from them, then let it be from you. Remember that we were made not to hate but to love.

Just to love.

References:
“The Bible and Homosexuality.” ReligiousTolerance.org. Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance, 2004. Web. 15 Aug. 2010.
The Bible, New International Version. Colorado Springs, CO: International Bible Society, 1983. Print.

Getting Mad at Oprah...Again

So I read this article on a teacher who wrote a rather angry letter to Oprah. It was in response to an episode that aired fairly recently, I suppose. I must confess, I don't really watch Oprah anymore – I don't really like her. (Yeah, there, I said it: I don't like Oprah. Yeah, I said again. Whaddayagonnadoaboutit???)


Anyway, it's easy to sort of get an idea of what the episode was about from the letter itself: