Well, not really. I'm somewhere in the middle of that bi-polar spectrum right now. I woke up discombobulated as I had nasty and very vivid dreams last night. In my dream I had a vicious fight with her and I told her everything I thought about her and I kept screaming, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" I think I actually woke up in the middle of the night, disoriented, but the meds bid me back to sleep. (Thank you, Seroquel, Rivotril, and Serenata.)
I had That Talk last night and it's a toss up between feeling sad and relieved. At least we were able to define what those six months would mean and what we should focus on. The last thing I want for this to become is nasty. It will be difficult, but we have the rest of our lives to consider. We talked about what this would mean for the both of us and, of course, what this would mean for the most important person in both our lives.
Okay, wait. It's sad. I've just had an honest feeling check. It's sad. But it is what it is. Nobody gets into this sort of thing thinking that it would end some day. (Some Day. Oh, that term.) But we'll see. Nothing's final. At least the first step has been taken.
Today's going to be an errand day, but I just might stay at home again. I still don't trust myself in huge crowds. And then tomorrow, Shrink Day. I'm actually looking forward to that. Although my doctor reminds me of Mr. Miyage. :) But he does make me feel like a child, talking to Santa. That's weird, right? "Dear Santa, please fix me." No matter. I'm still looking forward to it. Sorta.
What an epic week this'll be. I can tell already. But then again, maybe it's just the Monday vibe. Who knew that being a bum would not immune me from the Monday blues? :/
No comments:
Post a Comment