And you are...?

I actually went out to a real bar last night. I got carded, which is actually a good thing. Being short actually has perhaps the solitary benefit of being mistaken for being much younger than I actually am. The disappointment came soon after though because the bouncer dude said, "Oh, I didn't realize you were that old already."

Ouch.

*****

I attended yet another Filipino community thingamajiggy yesterday and it was awful. Don't get me wrong. The children singing, dancing, playing etc. were not really that painful to watch. They were still mostly at that age when everything they do must be captured and emblazoned on a Hallmark card.

What was actually awful were the adults. Ugh. Filipinos, let's face it, we have this ridiculous habit of asking way too personal questions (ayan ha, sinama ko sarili ko...) But yesterday was especially perilous because apparently, my mom has been talking about me a lot to these people, so when they met me they felt as if they knew me. Ugh, ugh, ugh. I felt like a goldfish in a super clean fishbowl and I was being killed by overcrowding my space with stupid fake treasure chests that make stupid bubbles, plastic seaweeds, and a stupid seahorse. (I actually wrote "horsefish" first until I realized it was "seahorse." Of course, now I'm writing about it...)

Everybody, just back off!

Yes, I came from the Philippines.

No, I'm not staying here for good.

No, I'm not culture-shocked. I've actually been here several times to visit. I actually migrated along with them but I went back to the Philippines. I'm not exactly a sophisticate but I'm not a country mouse visiting your fantastic city. Besides, I lived in Manila. By my standards, this is Hicksville.

Yes, (thank you) I speak good English. I was an English Merit Scholar; I taught it for 3 years for Pete's sake...

Yes, I left my boyfriend in the Philippines (yes, I have a boyfriend) but he'll be coming here on June.

No, we're not getting married yet. (Besides, it's none of your business. What, you want to get invited to the wedding?)

Yes, I'll be taking my Masters in Education in English Literature at Grand Valley State University in Fall.

Yes, I'm slowly recovering from my jetlag.

And BLOODY NO, I don't want to talk to you anymore.

AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Next!

The fact is, I don't even want to be here. I am tired of being looked at, all the small talk, and the fake friendly smiles.

Just leave me the hell alone.