Kailangan Matuto Ako Magalit Sa Tagalog

This being a non-working holiday, the hubster thought it would be a good idea for all of us to go to the mall to take care of some errands. The wait at one of the stops took a little longer than Lucia could bear to be inside, so we decided to go out of the store and run merrily about in the wide near-empty halls of the mall.

All of a sudden, this ugly, fat, boorish kid (all of two years old) came out of the store from whence we came and stopped in front of my daughter. Lucia looked at him curiously as the horrible child pushed – nay, HADOUKENED – my angel to the floor. It happened so quickly that I didn’t have time to cushion her fall, so she fell backwards and hit the back of her head on the floor. She knows how to fall, thank goodness, so it wasn’t a deadly thud, but it was enough to frighten and hurt her enough to cry something fierce.

Dear reader, please do not judge me, but at that moment, I really thought I could’ve killed that boy.

I screamed bloody hell and his yaya came out. She whisked the tyrant inside and didn’t even apologize to me! I went inside and kneeled towards the boy, who, by then, was being admonished by his nitwit of a mother. I wanted to show them how much Lucia was crying. When nary an apology or even an attempt at eye contact could be envisaged from the scoundrel and his inutil placenta carrier, I went to the nearest restaurant and asked for some ice to cool Lucia’s bump.

We were about to leave it at that, but halfway through our exeunt, I decided to go back to that, that, that woman and her offspring.

I was incensed – LIVID – that I had to be the one to go up to her and demand for an apology! I told her that had it been MY child that pushed her child, I would muster up the decency to come up to her and apologize PROFUSELY and not cower behind the inability to make eye contact! “The least you could’ve done was apologize!” I screamed at her.

Nothing came from her. She still wasn’t looking at me.

“Do you understand me? I said YOU should’ve come to ME and said sorry!” I said. 

“But I did sorry! I did sorry! You not hear!” she screamed back.

Anak ng ****, ano daw?!?

“You did no such thing! I have a mall full of people who could attest to your indecency!” I said-slash-spat at her.

“He is two! I did sorry!” she yelled.

“I don’t care if he’s two! I don’t care about your kid! I’m saying YOU’RE terrible!” I screamed.

“But I did sorry!”

“Good God, you can’t even defend yourself properly! You...”

P A U S E

Okay, for the record, this is what I wanted to say: “You insipid, nitwit of a woman. You unfortunate bearer of a womb. Your eggs must be frozen so that this planet should not be plagued by other mortals condemned by your malignant, sorry excuse for a gene pool.”

And I realized how futile that would be, so I ended up saying this:

P L A Y

“You...STUPID!!!”

ASDFGHJKL!!!

She did sorry.

I not hear.

She stupid.

Katz, why you no galit in Tagalog na lang kasi?!?





P.S. Lucia’s fine, by the way, and I am duly chastising myself for my murderous thoughts. But my God, nobody touches my child in that way, in my presence, and leaves unscathed by my venomous tongue.